Why Fertility Awareness is the most important skill I've learned

Hi, I’m Michele. I’m a fertility awareness educator and birth control doula. Fertility awareness is the understanding of our hormonal health, based on outward signs. Learning about our bodies allows us to be more comfortable in them, to appreciate them,  and ultimately, to best care for them— this is our birthright. Sadly, this is knowledge that has been lost for generations. That’s why I’m passionate about sharing fertility awareness with everyone I meet, and I’d like to share my fertility awareness journey with you.

“Learning about our bodies allows us to be more comfortable in them, to appreciate them,  and ultimately, to best care for them— this is our birthright.”

My teaching partner, Shannon, and I offer The Fifth Vital Sign community classes in Troy, NY.

I was curious about my body long before my quest for side effect-free birth control. One of the funny stories that is told over and over in my family is centered around my fascination with menstrual care. One afternoon, my father walked up the stairs of my childhood home and heard the two-year-old me frustratedly saying “ouch, ouch.” He opened the bathroom door to see me sitting on the floor, pulling the adhesive side of a maxi pad off of my skin. Just a handful of years later, I made it a habit of walking to the library after school so that I could sneak a copy of The Care and Keeping of You off of the shelf to secretly read about bras and periods while no one was looking. Fast forward to my freshman year of high school when my friend and I would sit sprawled across her messy bedroom and read through all the contraception choices listed in our textbook. When we had questions and she suggested asking her mom (who was a nurse), my face turned crimson with embarrassment. As a young adult, my friends would always come to me to ask about different birth control options. I was fascinated by hormonal birth control, and learned all that I could so that I could best support my friends. In college, I wrote a rhetorical analysis of an ad campaign for “U” by Kotex. For the first time, a menstrual care company was breaking out of the pink and purple pastel world, and this derailed everything I knew. Even though I was painstakingly embarrassed to talk to my classmates about my research, I was too interested in the campaign to ignore it.

Despite my interest in reproductive health, I didn’t learn about fertility awareness until 2015. I was getting depressed, having bouts of uncontrollable anger, couldn’t lose weight, and was constantly and uncomfortably bloated. My digestion was irregular, I was having bouts of BV all the time, and was suffering from what can only be described as excessive fatigue. I started to wonder if something was seriously wrong with my health. Did I have Lyme disease? Lupus?

One afternoon, while googling my endless list of symptoms, a friend mentioned that most of my symptoms are common side effects of hormonal birth control. Birth control felt empowering, and I had been using it for over a decade. I used to recommend hormonal birth control to all of my friends as a remedy to nearly any ailment, so facing the facts wasn’t exactly easy for me. But while reading the fine print from the insert for my Nexplanon, something became eerily clear to me: I hadn’t truly understood what I was putting in my body. There in plain text, in that tiny print, was the mile-long list of every single one of my ailments.

I felt mislead by my doctor, angry at myself (how could I have taken something for years without understanding how it worked?), and scared. What had I done?

The deeper I dug, the more I learned about hormonal birth control. My first shock was learning that hormonal birth control is labeled as a Group 1 Carcinogen. Additionally, Nexplanon (like most hormonal options), works in part by preventing ovulation. I knew little about the importance of ovulation for my health at the time, but innately understood that I was inhibiting my body from completing a basic healthy function. That didn’t sit right with me, so I decided to make a change.

Pregnancy was not part of my plan at that time, so I began to research non-hormonal forms of contraception. Eventually, I found Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FABMs). I learned that our bodies are only fertile for up to 6 days per cycle, and that there are scientifically accurate methods for figuring out which days those are. With this information, I could prevent pregnancy. Just me and my partner. We didn’t need the help of anything or anyone else.

“…our bodies are only fertile for up to 6 days per cycle, and that there are scientifically accurate methods for figuring out which days those are.”

The transition from hormonal birth control to fertility awareness was not an easy one for me. For one thing, my doctor refused to remove my implant. She said that my concerns were not valid and that I was exaggerating my discomfort. When I found a second provider to remove it, she had to be convinced. This doctor told me that there was no need to “give your body a break before trying to conceive” (by the way, not great advice), and that I would most likely not be successful in using fertility awareness (SPOILER: she was very, very wrong).

I can’t solely blame her. She had no training in any Fertility Awareness-Based Method and a surprisingly sparse understanding of fertility signs. Like most OBGYNs, she was trained to perform surgical births and work within an allopathic system that addresses symptoms, but not their root cause. This failure was systemic rather than personal.

Once the implant was finally removed, it was time to learn a FABM and get my partner on board. I chose the symptothermal method because it is 99.6% effective in preventing pregnancy when used perfectly. I found an online community of informed, empowered, supportive women. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler was so helpful, I read it over and over. I used the “Knowledge Bases” from the Kindara app. I figured it out. In retrospect, an instructor would have been infinitely helpful (it’s amazing how you just don’t know what you don’t know), but at the time I simply couldn’t afford it.

My partner had received one clear (yet untrue) message in sex ed: if you have unprotected sex at any time, ever, a woman will get pregnant. He was extremely apprehensive to rely on the symptothermal method or barriers for a long time. Honestly, we ended up using barriers for years before he finally felt comfortable relying on the symptothermal method.

When I finally did go off of hormonal birth control and started charting my fertility signs, I learned so much about my body. I learned that ovulation is a sign of a healthy body, and that everyone, regardless of reproductive intention, should aim for regular ovulation. I learned (unfortunately from experience) that hormonal birth control can cause, cover up, or exacerbate hormonal imbalance. I learned that affirmative consent and routine conversations about reproductive intentions makes for a stronger bond with my partner. I learned that I naturally have a wide range of emotions and that this is a strength. I have learned, and continue to learn, that I shouldn’t feel ashamed of my femininity— I should embrace it.

“…ovulation is a sign of a healthy body.”

Over the years, my fascination with menstrual and sexual health has not waned. Eventually, I overcame most of the embarrassment of talking about these topics in public. Fertility awareness has changed my life. Bonding with my body has truly been a transformative experience. I want to bring this experience and understanding to all of you. I honor the opportunity to help you find your natural balance and harness the power within your menstrual cycle.

Stay tuned for some exciting announcements— including a completely online fertility awareness class!